we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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