Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm both gender and math confused
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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