what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize