i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
