..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
