batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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