Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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