So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
