Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
