piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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