Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
