I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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