I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
