it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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