i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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