you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize