blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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