this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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