you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
