I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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