You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
