I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
