....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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