Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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