whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
