P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
