o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
