I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
