I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
