You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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