i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
third nipple confirmed
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize