yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
