...so i touched it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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