those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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