4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
