imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
