Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
