Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
