i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
