why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
