So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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