i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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