I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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