its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
