You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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