The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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