My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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