god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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