ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
