I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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