I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
