you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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