if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The adults are the big ones right?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
