is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize