She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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