super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
