I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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