I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
