I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
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