He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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