Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize