Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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