I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
