I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
