Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
