im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
