wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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