Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
