why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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