everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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