I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize